Ashram Life. Do Your Homework.

I need to learn to do my homework.  Seriously. 

I'll have to break this up into a couple of different entries as wow, there is a lot to tell you.  Life in an ashram.  Me.  In an ashram. 

An ashram.  What was I thinking?  ASHRAM.  I didn't even know what that meant.  I googIed "yoga courses in south india" and this place came up over and over again.  I read the website, sorta, and thought, "why not?" I'm in India, "Yoga Vacation" it is then.  Plus, I was thinking of getting this chubby ass into some kind of bendy shape.  I didn’t realize that a "Yoga Vacation" in an ashram is a very different type of "vacation".  For this undisciplined, non-believing, yoga novice, it was a very interesting two weeks.

As I arrived December holiday season, the only sleep option I had was "the dorm".  This obstinately independent old gal cringed at the thought of sharing small amounts of space with far too many love-in hippie chicks strumming guitars and singing campfire songs but the colourfully animated Hindu gods peering down from every corner had a little plan for me.  I dropped my bag on an empty bed and met my cubical space mate within minutes.  A lifetime friend made instantly.  Ms. Caroline, my Belgian bon bon, was to become my trouble making soul sister for the next two weeks of yoga camp.  And to be fair, the dorm, while at capacity with 50 beds on each of two floors, was much better than I had anticipated. 

There is no orientation, introduction, or warning label to help lost city slickers ease into the life of sitting cross legged on concrete floors for hours on end or suddenly finding one's self in the midst of a couple of hundred bodies clad in flowing clothing chanting Sanskrit sing-a-longs whilst shaking tambourines.  Yes, my friends, there were tambourines.  There is a system, a routine, a schedule not to be messed with in an ashram but until you get the hang of it, at least a solid three days, you are slightly scared in your bunk that there may not be a way out.  (Can you spell c-u-l-t?)

Being used to having to adjust quickly, I figured out the day in and day out with minimal effort, as well as all of the possible loop holes.  *sigh*  Even in a holy haven, I am compelled to  always find a way to break the rules.  I know, I know, it's an ashram.  People come for the experience, the self-improvement, the dedication, the meditation; if you can't live by the rules, an ashram is not a place for you.  But I was there and I was committed to the YOGA so the other stuff, well, we just had to get a little more creative.  Here's a typical day...  seriously. 

5:20am wake up gong  I usually got up at 5am to avoid the morning mania of too many girls and too few bathrooms.

6:00am satsang  this is usually 30 or more minutes of SILENT meditation in a massive hall then a bunch of chanting and a not so inspirational message from the director, wrapping up about 7:30 or 7:45am.  Barf.

7:30 / 7:45am ish morning tea  first chance to chitchat by the tea tree.  {we aren't supposed to speak until after satsang} I always skipped the little tea break {I don't like tea} and went back to my bunk for a few minutes of "seriously, what am I doing here?!"

8:00am YOGA!!  yes! 90 to 120 mins of yoga, yoga, yoga!  This is what I came for! {I got my ass kicked, by the way.  Yoga is HARD!}

10:00am Brunch  vegan food served prison style but surprisingly, really good.  Looked like pig slop but honestly if you could get past the look of it ... yummy, good food.   No talking allowed whilst eating so most of us were up and out in less than 15 mins flat.  That and sitting on the floor, using our hands to eat, and being served out of stainless steel industrial sized buckets didn't make for the most social of atmospheres.

11:00am Karma yoga  an hour to serve your community by doing assigned chores around the ashram.  My first week's assignment?  - cleaning toilets.  Seriously.  Well played Karma, well played.  I lasted a week then gently demanded a change to afternoon tea server, thank you very much.

12:00 - 1:00pm Optional coaching classes  to get help with improving your meditation {yeah, right} or yoga.

1:00pm - 1:30pm Free time  WHAAAAAT???  You're meant to be doing some kind of silent self-study - bahahahahaha!  We would sneak off to the lake across the street or the village just down the hill.  Or sleep.  5am wake-ups folks.  5 am. 

1:30pm Afternoon tea  again, I avoided this as I don't like tea but had fun serving it and chit chatting the second week.

2:00pm Mandatory lecture  I made it to two of these.  Two.  In two weeks, two classes.  The director (bless his heart, is the most boring man I have ever encountered) mumbles on about something or other meant to be related to yoga or ashram life without actually ever getting to a point or completing a thought while half the people present try to crawl up his butt and the other half squirm about uncomfortably on the concrete floor watching the clock.  No thanks.

3:30pm YOGA!!  Yep, the only parts I came for.  Two hours of pretzeling - go yoga go!

6:00pm Dinner  another silent prison camp experience but again, food is YUM!

6:30 - 8:00pm Free time  this usually meant desperate attempts to access internet or escape off the compound again.

8:00pm Evening satsang  More meditating, more chanting, and more unbelievably boring and uninspired story telling until about 9:30pm.

10:30pm Lights out  and I promise you, almost everyone was asleep before then.

This was ashram life.  And I learned how to avoid the boring stuff.  If you didn't get out of bed for the 6am satsang, some senior volunteer staff would come to gently shake you awake and shame you into attendance.  Solution?  Wake up, sit up on your bed or loiter around the bathroom until said staff member makes her rounds then slip back into your bunk after she leaves as she only swoops through once.  2pm lecture - just disappear.  Noone comes looking for you for this because everyone is scattered doing various things so this is an honour code thing.  One which I failed fully and completely.  8pm satsang, a little more tricky but usually I took a seat at the very back of the hall where I could lean against the wall and/or sneak out mid-meditation.  Okay, okay, maybe I missed out on a massive spiritual experience but come on!  Me?!  Sitting straight backed and silent on a bamboo mat covered concrete floor trying to find my enlightenment?!  Sorry.  Not ready. 

I do have a confession to make, however.  Those satsangs, I didn't skip all of them.  There were drums.  Random tambourines and shaky shake instruments are scattered throughout the hall on the laid out bamboo mats so anyone can pick them up and jingle along as the Hare Krishna brain washing is happening.  A few of the staff members and sometimes a yoga vacationer had a bongo bongo drum so it made the chanting more like music.  And yep, I got into the groove.  The people who played the drums were AWESOME!  I even tried to meditate as I figured, why not?  Tried.  But mostly I did my best to sit still and be quiet.  They gave us little chant booklets that had the sanskrit written in English sound alikes and by good golly, I was singing and bouncing to the drums by the end of it all. 

Then I had one of those seeing myself outside of myself moments and shuddered - I had become a hippie chick, brain washed into a Hare Krishna cult.  *sigh*  They got me.  It was the drums!  Those damn cool drums!!  Thankfully my cynical self prevailed and I slept my way through the last few satsangs.  Sorry Ganesha, but did you really think I'd start praying to an elephant headed child after only two weeks?  Come on now.

Speaking of Ganesha, have any of you ever had any Hindu experience?!  Holy cow (bahahahaha!  Get it?!?!) they have some wicked gods and goddesses.  I have no idea how many there are (something ridiculous like 34 million!) or what even a fraction of the stories are but yes, these deities are first rate soap opera drama stars.  I really must find a few of these tales.  I can promise you that I will never bow down to a monkey faced man but I know it will make for some super interesting bedtime reading.  There were some spectacular paintings of these girl/boy/animal creatures in our meditation hall so it gave me lots to admire whilst everyone else sat cross legged with eyes closed.  Yesssss, I was watching you, my pretties, I was watching.  Kali is my favourite.  A badass godess who lops of men's heads and collects them on her belt.  You go girl!  Excellent fairy tale material folks - look into it. 

The ashram itself was beautiful.  Set across the street from a lake (which was rumoured to house local crocodiles but we went for a swim anyway) and quite far from any of the chaotic hustle and bustle of Indian city life, it was purposefully idyllic, peaceful, and green.  Fridays were our "free day" so we could choose to leave the ashram and do as we pleased as long as we were back for evening satsang (again, yeah right).  The second week I was there was not the usual routine as it was Christmas so they had all kinds of cultural events going on.  I still skipped the lectures but the evening satsangs had a few local dances and entertainment sessions.  MUCH better, much much.  Underneath it all however, the ashram is a business.

I suppose it has to be, I guess.  They run yoga courses bi-weekly and teacher training courses several times a year.  They can house hundreds of people at a time all of whom they have to feed, but yes, they rake in the cash.  A few chats went round with hopes upon hopes that a good portion of the money that comes into the ashram goes back out to help the local communities but with all the new construction happening on the property, it's really hard to tell.  Benefit of the doubt, they are carrying on with giving and generosity.  For me, it was clean, relatively comfortable, and a good intro into yoga, ashram, and dorm life.  I'll take it.

Would I do it again?  Hmmmm...  hard to say.  I really liked the yoga.  Really.  It's the one time in my life that being short was a bonus as I progressed with the bendy, flexible poses pretty quickly but the meditation, lecture stuff?  Fail.  I'd like to learn to meditate, I guess, but I disagreed with so much of the tuning out the world and focus on god that I don't think I'd ever get very far with it.  Sitting and being quiet, yes, I will work on that, getting closer to "god", nope.  No thanks.  Give me a bit more time in India though I may be running for another reclusive respite.

What I'll take with me as I bid farewell to a regimented routine of smelly yoga mats and tambourine shakers is a few unexpected but strong friendships that I hope to have for years to come.  That's what this is all about after all, isn't it?  The people we meet along the way. 

Caroline, soul sister, partner in crime (we often got shushed for giggling during meditation or dirty looks for chatting during quiet time) deserves a special mention.  She is a beautiful and incredible woman who is on the brink of major life changes.  It was so fabulous for me to watch her experience the sights and scenes of India with the same awe and bewilderment that threw me ass over end when I first set out on my own years ago.  She's up for all of it and I can't wait until her new journey begins.  I know I wouldn't have lasted the two weeks without her.  No way, no way, no way.  Road trips, long chats, bendy buddies, and tolerating my desperate searches for chocolate; see you again soon, sister. Om Shanti.  Shanti.  Shanti.