So very long since my last entry and I'm not sure where to start. It has been intense, emotional, chaotic, confusing and a bit of a mad house. I've had days where I ran around like a loon with the general day to day of this place, days of teaching where we celebrated successes big and small, and days where I had decided that enough is enough and I'm outta here. Writing now that time has passed will be a very different commentary than if I had written during the moment. I chose not to write over the last little while knowing that the feelings and frustrations would eventually pass and any words that I wrote under duress or during emotional turmoil would be bitter pills to swallow in days to come. Give it time, give it time, give it time. And so I have. Grab a drink, take a seat, and settle in. Here is the current state of affairs...
After much drama, the present population consists of Raf and Cisca (they returned from almost three weeks away), Mac, Brendan, Anya, and myself. Add two, minus three as you can see. I don't know what to say, how it all began, or how it all unraveled but in the process, many feelings were hurt, relationships were damaged, and there have been several unforeseeable changes in plans. It has been said throughout history and many times over these past few days... there are three sides to every story, your side, their side and the real one somewhere in the middle. I have tried very hard to stay somewhere in the middle. Most likely pissing off everyone in the process as it is when there is conflict. Frustratingly enough you are often expected to choose a side. It's usually not a direct "whose side are you on? (mind you, sometimes it is), but is more often a "what is your honest opinion?" Again, I did my best to offer a neutral opinion and steer middle of the road. What has taken place over the past couple of weeks does not involve me directly but when you're on a small island within this even smaller world, everything eventually affects everyone, doesn't it? Yes, it does indeed.
Hmmm... try to summarize...
Two relationships in the midst of two teachers and two students doing pretty tough courses... recipe for disaster really. And so it was.
There were daily battles of someone or two or three or four feeling that the other one or ones weren't doing their fair share of work, getting their fair share of teaching attention, that people were being treated unprofessionally or unfairly, that toes were getting stepped on, steps were being missed, romances were complicating issues, teaching opportunities were being delayed by health concerns or lack of preparation, feelings were getting hurt, this one didn't know what that one was doing, and on and on and on. Squabbles, melt downs, tears, temper tantrums, avoidance, denial, attempts to reconcile issues going awry and making matters worse... ***sigh*** Several times I made it pretty clear that junior high was long behind all of us and it needed to stay that way but a course had been set and on it went. Regular counselling sessions where again, I attempted to listen and offer some possible solutions to immediate concerns, but mostly I just listened. Listened to how frustrated this one was with that one, how hurt this one's feelings were because of that one's actions, how angry this one was or how done that one was or how exhausted this one was or how childish that one was... my heart broke for all of them and solutions were few and far between. Once the tensions were there, the path of least resistance was for them to escalate, naturally. Initially it appeared two against two, then three against one and it was this three against one that led to our current situation. All four chose to speak to me about various frustrations and I could agree with all four of them on several different points but I couldn't take sides. I could see one point of view more strongly in a certain situation but differently in another situation. There were some days where I did "take a side" by agreeing with a the way a current situation was handled but I couldn't act on it. Middle of the road, support everyone, stay out of it as best as I can. I am not the dive team but I liked these people, I like all of these people, I wasn’t part of their battles, but it was so hard not to be.
Mine, yours, and the reality. Some days I wanted to shake all four of them, some days I avoided all four of them, some days I wanted to hug all four of them and force them work it out so we could all just hang out and go back to the way it first was. But it wasn't my fight or my place to fix it. I could see them all getting more and more exhausted; worn down by the physical demands of the courses and the emotional drain of Swahili soap opera. So hard to watch and so sad to see hearts getting hurt and feelings being trampled. How on earth do we make this okay? It had gotten far beyond that point very, very quickly.
Mac and I chatted often about the regular state of affairs - he now being my saving grace and last shred of sanity. (and no, there is no jiggy jiggy going on) There were days where he wanted to sack all of them and days where he thought it was best to let them work it out amongst themselves. He made guided them and reminded them that they had a job to do, divers were to be diving and the show was to be running. They had to work it out. There are a million different things to do around this place on a daily basis, dealing with staff conflicts every day is not an option. We often shook our heads together and did what we could to remain neutral but supportive. Open but non-judgemental. Whether or not this was the best way to address it is not my call to make. There have been conversations that have followed the last few days' chain of events that have swayed to the contrary - that staff issues should be dealt with swiftly and firmly. Hindsight always rings clear as a bell, doesn't it? We did the best we could and sadly, it maybe wasn't enough.
R & C returned, refreshed, renewed, and full of vision for their destination resort of Pemba. Greeting them upon their return is the brewing cyclone of dive team devastation. In the span of two quick days that involved some decisions made in haste, conversations had in more haste, time to think and rethink, negotiations and renegotiations, and finally a decision that some agree with and some don't. Maxine and Bertha no longer work for Swahili Divers and Rachel's time here was wrapping up as she was moving on to spend the last week of her year long trip elsewhere. Raf acknowledges that Maxine is a superb instructor with excellent skills. He encouraged her to take a brief holiday then consider signing a contract with him for two years wherein he would groom her to be a dive resort manager. She is 21 and years beyond in her ability and her maturity in this nature. The condition to this offer being, however, that Bertha was not to be part of the deal. Raf, I believe, feels that at this point, B. is not well enough to complete the courses she attempted and there has been some conflict that cannot be remedied hence making it too uncomfortable to have all of them here together. So, an ultimatum was put forth,,, career or relationship. I don't know many who, at 21, would not choose their relationship. Max gave her notice. There were some feelings hurt as at some point, Max was to come back and serve out her two weeks notice on her own, (which she wanted to do as it would give her time to put some closure into place) but on reconsideration, it was decided that plane tickets and finances would make this too difficult so Max and B were to pack up their belongings and be on a plane in two days. This cut both of the girls deeply. Anger quickly faded to heart break. I had nothing left to say except that I would miss them terribly.
As for Rachel, she had mentioned a while ago that she had wanted to leave on the 17th or 18th. Although Rachel was smack in the middle of the happenings here on the grounds, Rachel was not involved in the conversations or decisions with Raf because she was due to leave and had no stake in being employed by the resort. Quickly after the decision was made for Max and B, Raf booked a plane ticket off the island for Rachel having nothing to do with the drama, but because it was near the time that she had originally requested to leave. Timing wise, because Raf was moving through his checklist of things to do, and because he didn’t talk to her before booking the ticket, Rachel felt that her very last minute ticket (advised on one day that she had a ticket arranged for the next day) was directly related to the conflicts within the dive centre. She had sweet little time to not only pack up her things but pack up her heart and say her goodbyes to a place that she had settled into, much the same as Max and B, before she was bound for her next destination. All three girls left on the same day, Max and B in the morning, Rachel in the afternoon. My neighbours, my girls, were gone.
I have many mixed feelings about it all. I’ve had conversations with all that were involved and have been asked my opinion about the decisions that were made. I shared my concerns with Raf, gave him pieces of information that I felt he was missing and told him that I have no opinions on the decisions that he made because I can’t possibly put myself in his shoes with having a business to run and knowing what he wants for his resort. I think he heard what I had to say as he appeared quite reflective knowing that people got hurt in the process and that difficult decisions were made quickly. Again, he has been in Africa for 10 years, recognizes that he can often be reactive and make decisions in haste, but because he has been there, done that, he shared that he often knows what’s coming before most can even see it. No comment. We have different approaches to dealing with people because we are coming from completely different places. End of this tale being, regardless of rights or wrongs, the owners made decisions to get the business back on track and eliminate tensions, the girls are gone, the business carries on, and I do miss my kayaking, swimming, chatting, shouting over the walls, please come kill this spider, tell me another story company. I really do.
While there is more to say and many more things to comment on, sadly this blog is to be discontinued. I have come to realize that I am simply reporting events instead of sharing my experiences with the naturally accompanying, in the moment emotions and that isn’t what this was intended to be. The public nature of this blog has forced me to curb content and neutralize opinions so not the best use of my creative time. If any of you have made it to the end of these ramblings and remain curious or interested in hearing more, send me a note and I’ll direct future writings, and there are future writings, as msgs to your facebook or email accounts, as I did on my last journey. Thank you to all of you who have been supportive of me through good days and bad, who have recognized that this was intended to be a personal account of my attempt to adjust to a new environment and new people, for remembering that I am human, that not everything I gripe about is a problem that needs to be resolved, and that sometimes, yes, sometimes, we just all need to vent. Thank you to those of you who stood back and let me vent so that I could find my own perspective again. Here’s to guarding my thoughts a little more carefully…
Love you.
Jan
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
The Cast
Okay, as promised, here is some of the lowdown on who's who in my zoo since I have arrived almost 6 weeks ago. 6 weeks? Oh. My. Gosh.
Mac, Mr. Mac, Malcolm, General Manager, Crazy English Man
A 31 yr old who found himself here after being lost and slightly confused as to all that life holds while living in a cold and dreary English town. His sister is good friends with Raf and Cisca (the owners, remember?) so an arrangement was made for him to do a divemaster internship here. A series of events led to him taking over the GM position 18 months ago and the DM internship fell to the wayside. A smoking, drinking, charismatic (when he wants to be) and admittedly moody boy who is living a solitary life running the show when the owners are away, and most often even when they are here. Mac has the lovely reputation of "shagging anything with a heartbeat" and was given a stern warning "not to shag the English teacher for at least 4 - 5 months" before I arrived. Despite me insisting to Raf that I do have my own brain and maybe, just maybe the ability to resist any level of charm, Raf seems to believe that all women who enter this compound eventually fall prey to this dear boy. Mac and I have an understanding... this will not happen. I've seen him charm the pants (literally) off of people and I've seen him at his moody worst; the only relationship that has or will develop is me playing wingman to his future endeavours. I know to never speak to him in the morning unless he speaks to me first, and it's usually after he's had a coffee or two. I know that my chattiness annoys the hell out of him but secretly, he'd be worried that something was wrong if all of a sudden it stopped. I've seen him work his magic with new guests and old, males and females, as he shares stories, some tasteful, some not, but always endearing. He is very good at his job.
I worry a bit as he continues to appear stressed quite often, but he talks of being MUCH more relaxed than he has ever been. Attempting to deal with money issues, when there is never any money, getting staff to complete jobs that they often have no interest in completing, and sorting out the politics of running a white business in an African country must be exhausting. All the while, I think he feels rather lonely. In his defense, he is on his own here. If he "connects" with a long term guest, a diving student, or a random traveller, it's no different than the soap operas that would happen at home in the bars. It's just that here, there is no privacy, absolutely no privacy, so Mac's escapades are open, public domain. He knows this and has a great sense of humour about it. And we continue to have our understanding that darling, that line for us, will never be crossed. Despite all outward appearances, apparently should the situation call for it, he could quite capably beat someone to within an inch of their life. A good ally and a great next door neighbour to have should I find another shadow monster in my room anytime in the future.
Maxine & Bertha, Max & B, Instructor and DiveMaster Trainee
Max and B are the lovely and very young engaged lesbian South African couple who kindly let me take over their room when I was too afraid to return to mine that first gruesome week of January. Since I've moved up into the "staff quarters", our duplex shares a wall. This wall, as all walls here with the thatched rooves, are open a good 2 feet from the tops of the walls to the overhanging thatched bits. We can shout back and forth to each other if there's ever a concern about who is where or who needs what or who is next for the shower as we three girls and Mac all share an outside bathroom. Running water but yeah, pretty ick. It's like camping, but long term. There is no comfort here, my dears. Anyway!
Max has been an instructor for quite some time and without doubt one of the most skilled and mature 21 year olds I have ever seen. Guest after guest comments on how good she is in and out of the water and all are shocked to hear she is only 21. She is naturally relaxed and laid back both on land and under the sea; no matter what situation is thrown at her, she seems to handle it without missing a beat. A very impressive girl indeed.
Her fiancee... financee? fiance? how does it work here? I'll have to ask them tomorrow, I'm not sure who's who on this one. Okay, yeah, anyway... B is 22 yrs old and doing her divemaster training course. B is a very shy girl who talks openly with me but shared during one of my first days here that she doesn't like to talk and doesn't think that will ever change. It appears that she has made some pretty significant life changes by coming to join Max here on the island and socializing is not one of her comfort zones at this point. In addition to being painfully shy at times, she is struggling with numerous health issues. I'm not sure of all of the details for all of her conditions but the DM course and the work load have been both physically and mentally challenging for her. Several times she has had some emotional breakdowns and been close to just closing up shop, but for now she soldiers on. Sadly, I don't think there has been a day that I have been here where she hasn't been suffering with some kind of medical or emotional concern. It's tough on a healthy body, when I remember the demands of my DMT course, so an unwell one, yikes. Not good. In addtion to the medical concerns, there is a significant personality conflict with the other instructor who is here, and that adds to the stress of the situation. The relationship between Max and B appears rocky at times, but I think considering the weight of living, working, and learning together 24 / 7, they are doing better than most. I feel badly that I have little else to offer her other than a listening ear and encouraging words from time to time but she and Max seem to have the support system thing worked out pretty darn good. Max and the other instructor are sharing the teaching for the DMT course. That leads me to...
Brendan, biker dude, cool guy, dive instructor, Kiwi
Brendan arrived on the island a week and a bit after I did. He has been in Africa for quite some time, initially travelling by bicycle and then by motorbike. He has stopped here to work as a dive instructor in efforts to make money to further fund his African travels. I'm not sure how long he plans to stay, maybe another month? Again, I'll have to ask tomorrow. I just realized that I'm the only one down here, all by myself, everyone else has returned to their rooms. Ummm... I'm outta here! No dark, scary encounters for me, thank you very much! I'll do some more writing in my room.
Okay, I'm back. Sorry about that.
So Brendan. Hmmm... I think he's still trying to find his place here. He arrived as an instuctor, but Maxine has been the resident instructor for some time and one of his students is Max's fiancee, B. I can't help but think that it makes for a somewhat difficult situation. That and the fact that he turned 30 mere days after his arrival. GULP! The big 3-0! He did his instructor training very near where I did my DM course, so it was nice to be able to share some stories about common dive sites and dive folk that we had met along the way. Brendan is a teacher back in NZ and seems very passionate about teaching the wonders of science to all the teenagers he can find. His travels appear to be about experiencing the real deal, not the tourist package, and he struggles with anything main stream. Case in point... when Brendan arrived here, he was in need of some pretty serious medical attention. He had some good sized gaping wounds from an earlier motorbike accident that were simply not healing and he had unknowingly offered refuge to some kind of worm that was slowly winding a path up and through the top of his foot. Makes me gag just thinking about it. Barefoot, barefoot, barefoot - he wants African barefoot tough skin on his feet. Hey dumbass... you're not African. He and I had this conversation, by the way. Anyway, R & C were kind enough to surprise him with a genuine pair of knock off imitation Croc sandals to try to help the healing process along as he didn't own flipflops and his only pair of shoes are heavy black skater shoes. Not ideal for beach life. On principal alone, despite gaping sores and worm tracks in his foot, he could not bring himself to wear the Crocs. THAT is Brendan. (btw... I promptly went out and bought my own pair of genuine knock off imitation Crocs and I freaking love them!) So yeah, he's the motorbike riding, sleep on the side of the road, see it for what it really is, guitar playing, a little bit moody but not nearly as much as when he was raging with infections, guy's guy who likes to take it easy man. He can be superbly entertaining in his story telling abilities or deeply reflective when the moment is upon him. In addition to the personality conflicts with one student, there is a romantic on again off again history with his other student...
Rachel, dancing queen, DiveMaster Trainee
Rachel arrived here a week after I did, a few days before Brendan, and is completing her DM course alongside B. She's French, working in Ireland, of Indian descent, and is currently rounding out the end of her year around the world trip here at Swahili Divers. Rachel is a very affectionate, animated, flirty, energetic 32 yr old girl who insists that she is cynical when it comes to love but is more about love than most. She and Brendan had a strange kind of brief romantic interlude somewhere on Zanzibar before they both arrived here. I don't think that they had arranged to both come here to be together, but it was a topic of conversation between the two of them and yes, there has been some drama once they both realized that this place was to be home for a number of weeks. First it was the initially awkward, okay we kinda made out in Zanzibar and now we're here, are we a couple?, let's try it out and see how it feels, oh it's kinda awkward teaching / learning from a kinda relationship partner, let's back off and not talk to each other but maybe secretly pine for each other but treat each badly because communication skills are not top priority and who wants to really bring it up ... oh... good... GAWD!!! As an outsider, to watch this, it was simply painful. And the funny thing was, both thought nobody really noticed. Really guys? REALLY??? So this went back and forth for some time, Rachel chatted with me about various concerns, thoughts, and situations, and bottom line is, they have talked, they have cleared the air, and although both of them don't know whether or not they are in a relationship, a friendship, or are simply enjoying the occassional cuddle session, they have rekindled their kindness towards each other and that is the most important thing. Rachel is full of life as she chats away in the most flirtatious of ways to any and everyone, sexuality oozing from every pore. I'm quite envious of her self-confidence and have told her this many times. She's a sensitive girl who tries hard to pretend that she's not and I worry a little about her potential for a broken heart. A very fun girl who acknowledges how naive she can be, surprisingly so sometimes, but thoroughly seems to be enjoying her life. Thoroughly.
Some of the best moments so far have been the four of us girls out on the kayaks or goofing around in the pool, scuba gear or not, just chatting and laughing and blowing off steam. When all four of us seem to catch each other in the same frame of mind, it is SUCH good fun.
And finally there is Anya.
Anya just arrived day before yesterday. A 19 yr old American girl who came under the strangest of circumstances. A friend of Raf's, a retired US military guy who now heads the UN security advisory in Dar es Salaam met this girl in a bar one night and contacted Mac saying that she was going through some "issues" and needed to get away. An arrangement was made that she was to come here and help out around the hotel for 6 - 8 weeks while she sorted her life out. Ummm... wtf? At 19, she needs to sort her life out? Okay. We all have our suspicions but they will be kept as such until more info can be provided. She is American, literally did the rock star hand gesture when she said she was from Boston, MA, and appears a little uncomfortable being here, but who wasn't uncomfortable at 19?! Seriously. I've yet to have had a chance to really chat with her to get the rest of the story, but that is definitely on my to do list. A bit of a strange mix to the already ragtag bunch of us, but come on now, it just seems to fit, doesn't it?
And that makes 7. Magical number really. With the exception of Brendan and Anya, my counselling skills have remained sharp, I've been told. Everyone is funny as they preface their chats with "I'm not complaining but..." and then they release whatever is the most recent bee in their bonnet. What I keep trying to tell them is who cares if you're complaining?! Complain away! We're on a tiny little island within a tiny little dive resort in the middle of freaking NOWHERE - everyone has the right to complain. I can just imagine what they have to say about me! Annoying old bat.
Bahahahaha! A teeny tiny super cute frog just landed with a solid, squishy splat on the desk across my room. I just went over to check if he's okay but I have no idea where he could have fallen from! He must have been in my roof. Unreal. Thank goodness for mosquito nets - I can only imagine what would land on my forehead or in my mouth should that barrier be suddenly gone. I'm watching this little guy peer over the edge of the desk at the floor a million miles below as he contemplates the drop off and if it's really worth it. Ahhhh... I love it.
So that's my zoo and I need to go to bed. Tomorrow I will update you on a few of our more memorable guests. Good-NESS I am one dumb, sheltered, boring girl. It's quite sad how little I've actually done now that my life has been put into perspective over here. But yes, the self-deprecating comments can be saved until tomorrow. I continue to trust in my universe, no matter where I may go. Sleep well all. xoxo
Mac, Mr. Mac, Malcolm, General Manager, Crazy English Man
A 31 yr old who found himself here after being lost and slightly confused as to all that life holds while living in a cold and dreary English town. His sister is good friends with Raf and Cisca (the owners, remember?) so an arrangement was made for him to do a divemaster internship here. A series of events led to him taking over the GM position 18 months ago and the DM internship fell to the wayside. A smoking, drinking, charismatic (when he wants to be) and admittedly moody boy who is living a solitary life running the show when the owners are away, and most often even when they are here. Mac has the lovely reputation of "shagging anything with a heartbeat" and was given a stern warning "not to shag the English teacher for at least 4 - 5 months" before I arrived. Despite me insisting to Raf that I do have my own brain and maybe, just maybe the ability to resist any level of charm, Raf seems to believe that all women who enter this compound eventually fall prey to this dear boy. Mac and I have an understanding... this will not happen. I've seen him charm the pants (literally) off of people and I've seen him at his moody worst; the only relationship that has or will develop is me playing wingman to his future endeavours. I know to never speak to him in the morning unless he speaks to me first, and it's usually after he's had a coffee or two. I know that my chattiness annoys the hell out of him but secretly, he'd be worried that something was wrong if all of a sudden it stopped. I've seen him work his magic with new guests and old, males and females, as he shares stories, some tasteful, some not, but always endearing. He is very good at his job.
I worry a bit as he continues to appear stressed quite often, but he talks of being MUCH more relaxed than he has ever been. Attempting to deal with money issues, when there is never any money, getting staff to complete jobs that they often have no interest in completing, and sorting out the politics of running a white business in an African country must be exhausting. All the while, I think he feels rather lonely. In his defense, he is on his own here. If he "connects" with a long term guest, a diving student, or a random traveller, it's no different than the soap operas that would happen at home in the bars. It's just that here, there is no privacy, absolutely no privacy, so Mac's escapades are open, public domain. He knows this and has a great sense of humour about it. And we continue to have our understanding that darling, that line for us, will never be crossed. Despite all outward appearances, apparently should the situation call for it, he could quite capably beat someone to within an inch of their life. A good ally and a great next door neighbour to have should I find another shadow monster in my room anytime in the future.
Maxine & Bertha, Max & B, Instructor and DiveMaster Trainee
Max and B are the lovely and very young engaged lesbian South African couple who kindly let me take over their room when I was too afraid to return to mine that first gruesome week of January. Since I've moved up into the "staff quarters", our duplex shares a wall. This wall, as all walls here with the thatched rooves, are open a good 2 feet from the tops of the walls to the overhanging thatched bits. We can shout back and forth to each other if there's ever a concern about who is where or who needs what or who is next for the shower as we three girls and Mac all share an outside bathroom. Running water but yeah, pretty ick. It's like camping, but long term. There is no comfort here, my dears. Anyway!
Max has been an instructor for quite some time and without doubt one of the most skilled and mature 21 year olds I have ever seen. Guest after guest comments on how good she is in and out of the water and all are shocked to hear she is only 21. She is naturally relaxed and laid back both on land and under the sea; no matter what situation is thrown at her, she seems to handle it without missing a beat. A very impressive girl indeed.
Her fiancee... financee? fiance? how does it work here? I'll have to ask them tomorrow, I'm not sure who's who on this one. Okay, yeah, anyway... B is 22 yrs old and doing her divemaster training course. B is a very shy girl who talks openly with me but shared during one of my first days here that she doesn't like to talk and doesn't think that will ever change. It appears that she has made some pretty significant life changes by coming to join Max here on the island and socializing is not one of her comfort zones at this point. In addition to being painfully shy at times, she is struggling with numerous health issues. I'm not sure of all of the details for all of her conditions but the DM course and the work load have been both physically and mentally challenging for her. Several times she has had some emotional breakdowns and been close to just closing up shop, but for now she soldiers on. Sadly, I don't think there has been a day that I have been here where she hasn't been suffering with some kind of medical or emotional concern. It's tough on a healthy body, when I remember the demands of my DMT course, so an unwell one, yikes. Not good. In addtion to the medical concerns, there is a significant personality conflict with the other instructor who is here, and that adds to the stress of the situation. The relationship between Max and B appears rocky at times, but I think considering the weight of living, working, and learning together 24 / 7, they are doing better than most. I feel badly that I have little else to offer her other than a listening ear and encouraging words from time to time but she and Max seem to have the support system thing worked out pretty darn good. Max and the other instructor are sharing the teaching for the DMT course. That leads me to...
Brendan, biker dude, cool guy, dive instructor, Kiwi
Brendan arrived on the island a week and a bit after I did. He has been in Africa for quite some time, initially travelling by bicycle and then by motorbike. He has stopped here to work as a dive instructor in efforts to make money to further fund his African travels. I'm not sure how long he plans to stay, maybe another month? Again, I'll have to ask tomorrow. I just realized that I'm the only one down here, all by myself, everyone else has returned to their rooms. Ummm... I'm outta here! No dark, scary encounters for me, thank you very much! I'll do some more writing in my room.
Okay, I'm back. Sorry about that.
So Brendan. Hmmm... I think he's still trying to find his place here. He arrived as an instuctor, but Maxine has been the resident instructor for some time and one of his students is Max's fiancee, B. I can't help but think that it makes for a somewhat difficult situation. That and the fact that he turned 30 mere days after his arrival. GULP! The big 3-0! He did his instructor training very near where I did my DM course, so it was nice to be able to share some stories about common dive sites and dive folk that we had met along the way. Brendan is a teacher back in NZ and seems very passionate about teaching the wonders of science to all the teenagers he can find. His travels appear to be about experiencing the real deal, not the tourist package, and he struggles with anything main stream. Case in point... when Brendan arrived here, he was in need of some pretty serious medical attention. He had some good sized gaping wounds from an earlier motorbike accident that were simply not healing and he had unknowingly offered refuge to some kind of worm that was slowly winding a path up and through the top of his foot. Makes me gag just thinking about it. Barefoot, barefoot, barefoot - he wants African barefoot tough skin on his feet. Hey dumbass... you're not African. He and I had this conversation, by the way. Anyway, R & C were kind enough to surprise him with a genuine pair of knock off imitation Croc sandals to try to help the healing process along as he didn't own flipflops and his only pair of shoes are heavy black skater shoes. Not ideal for beach life. On principal alone, despite gaping sores and worm tracks in his foot, he could not bring himself to wear the Crocs. THAT is Brendan. (btw... I promptly went out and bought my own pair of genuine knock off imitation Crocs and I freaking love them!) So yeah, he's the motorbike riding, sleep on the side of the road, see it for what it really is, guitar playing, a little bit moody but not nearly as much as when he was raging with infections, guy's guy who likes to take it easy man. He can be superbly entertaining in his story telling abilities or deeply reflective when the moment is upon him. In addition to the personality conflicts with one student, there is a romantic on again off again history with his other student...
Rachel, dancing queen, DiveMaster Trainee
Rachel arrived here a week after I did, a few days before Brendan, and is completing her DM course alongside B. She's French, working in Ireland, of Indian descent, and is currently rounding out the end of her year around the world trip here at Swahili Divers. Rachel is a very affectionate, animated, flirty, energetic 32 yr old girl who insists that she is cynical when it comes to love but is more about love than most. She and Brendan had a strange kind of brief romantic interlude somewhere on Zanzibar before they both arrived here. I don't think that they had arranged to both come here to be together, but it was a topic of conversation between the two of them and yes, there has been some drama once they both realized that this place was to be home for a number of weeks. First it was the initially awkward, okay we kinda made out in Zanzibar and now we're here, are we a couple?, let's try it out and see how it feels, oh it's kinda awkward teaching / learning from a kinda relationship partner, let's back off and not talk to each other but maybe secretly pine for each other but treat each badly because communication skills are not top priority and who wants to really bring it up ... oh... good... GAWD!!! As an outsider, to watch this, it was simply painful. And the funny thing was, both thought nobody really noticed. Really guys? REALLY??? So this went back and forth for some time, Rachel chatted with me about various concerns, thoughts, and situations, and bottom line is, they have talked, they have cleared the air, and although both of them don't know whether or not they are in a relationship, a friendship, or are simply enjoying the occassional cuddle session, they have rekindled their kindness towards each other and that is the most important thing. Rachel is full of life as she chats away in the most flirtatious of ways to any and everyone, sexuality oozing from every pore. I'm quite envious of her self-confidence and have told her this many times. She's a sensitive girl who tries hard to pretend that she's not and I worry a little about her potential for a broken heart. A very fun girl who acknowledges how naive she can be, surprisingly so sometimes, but thoroughly seems to be enjoying her life. Thoroughly.
Some of the best moments so far have been the four of us girls out on the kayaks or goofing around in the pool, scuba gear or not, just chatting and laughing and blowing off steam. When all four of us seem to catch each other in the same frame of mind, it is SUCH good fun.
And finally there is Anya.
Anya just arrived day before yesterday. A 19 yr old American girl who came under the strangest of circumstances. A friend of Raf's, a retired US military guy who now heads the UN security advisory in Dar es Salaam met this girl in a bar one night and contacted Mac saying that she was going through some "issues" and needed to get away. An arrangement was made that she was to come here and help out around the hotel for 6 - 8 weeks while she sorted her life out. Ummm... wtf? At 19, she needs to sort her life out? Okay. We all have our suspicions but they will be kept as such until more info can be provided. She is American, literally did the rock star hand gesture when she said she was from Boston, MA, and appears a little uncomfortable being here, but who wasn't uncomfortable at 19?! Seriously. I've yet to have had a chance to really chat with her to get the rest of the story, but that is definitely on my to do list. A bit of a strange mix to the already ragtag bunch of us, but come on now, it just seems to fit, doesn't it?
And that makes 7. Magical number really. With the exception of Brendan and Anya, my counselling skills have remained sharp, I've been told. Everyone is funny as they preface their chats with "I'm not complaining but..." and then they release whatever is the most recent bee in their bonnet. What I keep trying to tell them is who cares if you're complaining?! Complain away! We're on a tiny little island within a tiny little dive resort in the middle of freaking NOWHERE - everyone has the right to complain. I can just imagine what they have to say about me! Annoying old bat.
Bahahahaha! A teeny tiny super cute frog just landed with a solid, squishy splat on the desk across my room. I just went over to check if he's okay but I have no idea where he could have fallen from! He must have been in my roof. Unreal. Thank goodness for mosquito nets - I can only imagine what would land on my forehead or in my mouth should that barrier be suddenly gone. I'm watching this little guy peer over the edge of the desk at the floor a million miles below as he contemplates the drop off and if it's really worth it. Ahhhh... I love it.
So that's my zoo and I need to go to bed. Tomorrow I will update you on a few of our more memorable guests. Good-NESS I am one dumb, sheltered, boring girl. It's quite sad how little I've actually done now that my life has been put into perspective over here. But yes, the self-deprecating comments can be saved until tomorrow. I continue to trust in my universe, no matter where I may go. Sleep well all. xoxo
Blend and blur
Can't believe that it has been so long since I've last written. Can't believe even more that I don't have anything really too exciting to catch you up on. *sigh*
Life here is bizarre as I seem to manage to find things to keep me busy but can't really list them off at the end of the day. I haven't had a lot of time where I just sit around or read or daydream about this, that, and everything else but yeah, I'm not sure if I've been all that productive. A typical day consists of me arriving down at the office and puttering about as I help the kitchen get breakfast and lunch organized, then sort things out for the cleaning girls before I start in on the snatch and grab game of two students here, three students there. I'm slowly learning that time management and organizational skills, precious threads of peace of mind in our western world, are foreign concepts never meant to be woven into life here. Thankfully, I'm learning to be okay with this. A whole new level of relaxed, and I really am okay with this. I may catch myself sighing enormously as I walk back and forth to the office store room for my hundredth trip to bring yet one more thing to the kitchen, or up to the local staff area to get someone back on track, but it's quickly checked as I hand it over or it's received with a smile and a "thank you teacher!" (I'm working on getting them to call me "Janice")
Some days there are loads of staff here, all eager for class, other days, few bodies and even less interest, but I'm getting in at least four hours of teaching a day, spread out randomly throughout the day. Anytime between 4 and 6 pm, after the kitchen staff has changed over and the cleaning girls have bid me farewell, I am thoroughly drenched in sweat and stink. (Charming, hey?) ... oh look at that, in the midst of writing all of this, I have gotten laundry soap, filled Mac in on what's happened on his morning off, sympathized with an ill and unhappy staff member, greeted and chatted with a long term guest, and gotten two packs of tomato paste for the kitchen. An ADD child's worst nightmare!!! Putter, putter, putter about. But it's good, it's really good. If I didn't feel useful here, at least in the smallest of ways, I think I'd lose my mind a little bit more than I already have. Everybody likes to feel needed now and again, I get to feel that way all day long!
I've been for another quick walk to the village, where a mzungu will always be a local celebrity no matter how many times I go, but this time the children were a little more curious and a little more brave. One or two keen little boys attempted to fill me in on the names in the crowd and then giggles all around as there were gentle and trepidacious high fives exchanged. Late afternoon seems to be a good time to go as everyone is home from school and the various creatures have been brought home from their random grazing plots. OH! Speaking of! Was desperate for a camera as I watched the tiniest of boys, no more than three years old, with a thin stick in his hand herding 4 sauntering, emaciated cows back to their home. His older brother trailed behaind with 6 cows in his command. This little smidge of a boy, in shorts with a turned up collared shirt and no shoes on, was the consummate professional as he jogged up and back, tapping this rib or that flank, all the while a very serious and determined look on his concerned little face. Oh how I wanted to run up and grab him, squeezing him to bits, but I didn't think that it would be too well received at this point in my stay. Well, I guess it wouldn't be well received at any point in my stay, but you know what I mean. He was just so very cute.
Ummm... okay... where was I? Ramble, ramble, ramble. So yep, my days just seem to melt away. shoot. hold on.
and there you go... Mac's day off, kinda, he never really has a day off unless he leaves the island, and for the most part, I can take care of whatever needs to be taken care of while he's up at his house. It was arranged that 40 (adult) students from the thriving city of Chake Chake were coming to check out the resort. Just walk around and see the place. I confirmed again this morning that they needed nothing from us, just wanted to walk around. As they arrive one hour early, they want to know who will be taking them on their tour. ...gulp... pardon? your what? Okay. So as Mac delegates the tour to one of our local staff who is responsible for lunch, I run around and get lunch set out for our guests who were returning from their dive as the group of students began their procession with today's "assistant manager" leading the way. ahhh... good times, good times. Lunch is set, divers are showering, students are being led away, and I am now back at my computer. This is pretty much how it goes. So yes, while I don't ever feel that I'm incredibly productive with my day, there's always something going on.
I had the chance to make a quick trip into Chake, the main hub of this little island, and while it was a quick trip, it was worth it. I only briefly got to see the main street and a few side streets of a market but I loved it. Ducking here and there, not the complete chaos or glorious tidbits of an Asian street, but so very interesting. Pressed for time, I just had to grab a few necessities, I will go back soon. One, to get off the resort and two, to check it out a little more. Nothing too life changing, but oh how I love poking around local centres. More details once I've had more of a chance to explore.
Haven't been out to dive nearly as much as I want to, but the few times I've been continue to be spectacular. Amazing sites out here. Not once have I been out for a swim in the sea. Time and the rocky bottom and sea urchins just keep me away. The kayaks are nice and the small pool they have on site are good for cooling down, the sea is all about the dives. All about the dives. Oh, wait now, I have been out in the sea once. I'll tell you that story another day.
Anyway, I'm presently working on my next entry which will try to outline the shining cast in my current team of players. Small number with one new addition but it may help to sort out who's who when I mention names. Good days, bad days, it's all part of the game. But yes, there has been drama despite our small numbers. For now, I just wanted to check in quickly, remind all of you that I haven't forgotten my committment to connect, and the story shall continue...
love you.
xoxo
Life here is bizarre as I seem to manage to find things to keep me busy but can't really list them off at the end of the day. I haven't had a lot of time where I just sit around or read or daydream about this, that, and everything else but yeah, I'm not sure if I've been all that productive. A typical day consists of me arriving down at the office and puttering about as I help the kitchen get breakfast and lunch organized, then sort things out for the cleaning girls before I start in on the snatch and grab game of two students here, three students there. I'm slowly learning that time management and organizational skills, precious threads of peace of mind in our western world, are foreign concepts never meant to be woven into life here. Thankfully, I'm learning to be okay with this. A whole new level of relaxed, and I really am okay with this. I may catch myself sighing enormously as I walk back and forth to the office store room for my hundredth trip to bring yet one more thing to the kitchen, or up to the local staff area to get someone back on track, but it's quickly checked as I hand it over or it's received with a smile and a "thank you teacher!" (I'm working on getting them to call me "Janice")
Some days there are loads of staff here, all eager for class, other days, few bodies and even less interest, but I'm getting in at least four hours of teaching a day, spread out randomly throughout the day. Anytime between 4 and 6 pm, after the kitchen staff has changed over and the cleaning girls have bid me farewell, I am thoroughly drenched in sweat and stink. (Charming, hey?) ... oh look at that, in the midst of writing all of this, I have gotten laundry soap, filled Mac in on what's happened on his morning off, sympathized with an ill and unhappy staff member, greeted and chatted with a long term guest, and gotten two packs of tomato paste for the kitchen. An ADD child's worst nightmare!!! Putter, putter, putter about. But it's good, it's really good. If I didn't feel useful here, at least in the smallest of ways, I think I'd lose my mind a little bit more than I already have. Everybody likes to feel needed now and again, I get to feel that way all day long!
I've been for another quick walk to the village, where a mzungu will always be a local celebrity no matter how many times I go, but this time the children were a little more curious and a little more brave. One or two keen little boys attempted to fill me in on the names in the crowd and then giggles all around as there were gentle and trepidacious high fives exchanged. Late afternoon seems to be a good time to go as everyone is home from school and the various creatures have been brought home from their random grazing plots. OH! Speaking of! Was desperate for a camera as I watched the tiniest of boys, no more than three years old, with a thin stick in his hand herding 4 sauntering, emaciated cows back to their home. His older brother trailed behaind with 6 cows in his command. This little smidge of a boy, in shorts with a turned up collared shirt and no shoes on, was the consummate professional as he jogged up and back, tapping this rib or that flank, all the while a very serious and determined look on his concerned little face. Oh how I wanted to run up and grab him, squeezing him to bits, but I didn't think that it would be too well received at this point in my stay. Well, I guess it wouldn't be well received at any point in my stay, but you know what I mean. He was just so very cute.
Ummm... okay... where was I? Ramble, ramble, ramble. So yep, my days just seem to melt away. shoot. hold on.
and there you go... Mac's day off, kinda, he never really has a day off unless he leaves the island, and for the most part, I can take care of whatever needs to be taken care of while he's up at his house. It was arranged that 40 (adult) students from the thriving city of Chake Chake were coming to check out the resort. Just walk around and see the place. I confirmed again this morning that they needed nothing from us, just wanted to walk around. As they arrive one hour early, they want to know who will be taking them on their tour. ...gulp... pardon? your what? Okay. So as Mac delegates the tour to one of our local staff who is responsible for lunch, I run around and get lunch set out for our guests who were returning from their dive as the group of students began their procession with today's "assistant manager" leading the way. ahhh... good times, good times. Lunch is set, divers are showering, students are being led away, and I am now back at my computer. This is pretty much how it goes. So yes, while I don't ever feel that I'm incredibly productive with my day, there's always something going on.
I had the chance to make a quick trip into Chake, the main hub of this little island, and while it was a quick trip, it was worth it. I only briefly got to see the main street and a few side streets of a market but I loved it. Ducking here and there, not the complete chaos or glorious tidbits of an Asian street, but so very interesting. Pressed for time, I just had to grab a few necessities, I will go back soon. One, to get off the resort and two, to check it out a little more. Nothing too life changing, but oh how I love poking around local centres. More details once I've had more of a chance to explore.
Haven't been out to dive nearly as much as I want to, but the few times I've been continue to be spectacular. Amazing sites out here. Not once have I been out for a swim in the sea. Time and the rocky bottom and sea urchins just keep me away. The kayaks are nice and the small pool they have on site are good for cooling down, the sea is all about the dives. All about the dives. Oh, wait now, I have been out in the sea once. I'll tell you that story another day.
Anyway, I'm presently working on my next entry which will try to outline the shining cast in my current team of players. Small number with one new addition but it may help to sort out who's who when I mention names. Good days, bad days, it's all part of the game. But yes, there has been drama despite our small numbers. For now, I just wanted to check in quickly, remind all of you that I haven't forgotten my committment to connect, and the story shall continue...
love you.
xoxo
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